Till We Have (Famous) Faces

I went to that MyHeritage.com website that everyone keeps talking about. You know the one – you upload a photo, it scans your face and then tells you the famous people you kind of vaguely resemble. I was legitimately curious to see who I allegedly looked like pretty bored at work and figured I’d give it a try. I ended up trying this with two different pictures, partly because I wanted to see if even marginally different facial expressions produced different results, but mostly because I wasn’t entirely happy with what popped up the first time. Here’s what I got (minus the people that I had never actually heard of):
  • Steven Soderbergh (well, I have significantly more hair)
  • Leslie Nielsen (Surely you can’t be serious – and now you fill in the rest!)
  • Sean Lennon (So that’s why Bijou Phillips keeps drunk dialing me at 4 a.m.)
  • Elton John (Final confirmation that my haircut really is as bad as I’ve always believed.)
  • Dennis Quaid (Actually, I’m pretty okay with that.)
  • Larry King (Oh. Hell. No. Although I have been known to randomly exclaim “Seattle, you’re live with Loni Anderson!” from time to time.)
  • Jack Nicholson (Younger Jack, okay. Older, puffy Jack, I sure as hell hope not.)
  • Alan Rickman (I know a lot of ladies who really like Alan Rickman, so I’m okay with this, too.)
  • Bryan Ferry (I never even conceived that this would be even a remote possibility.)
  • Elvis Costello (Elvis is a cool guy. I’ll accept this.)
  • Wayne Knight (Post-gastric bypass, maybe.)
  • Peter Gabriel (Actually, I’m more offended by this one than by Larry King.)
  • Wim Wenders (Um, I don’t feel especially German.)
  • Peter Jackson (Please, no. Although I see a grad student here at the school a lot who could easily pass as him.)
  • Elia Kazan (Well, I do love to blacklist people, it’s true).

So the verdict for me? I apparently resemble mostly puffy, fey (or outright goofy looking) dudes in glasses. And so much of my life gets explained in one fell swoop. Alsoof note… I apparently don’t resemble any famous woman ever. This is probably good news to famous women everywhere.

Incidentally, both pics I uploaded also had Liam in them. He fared much better than I:

  • Michael Vartan
  • Aidan Quinn
  • Nikola Tesla
  • Charles Bronson (Wha huh?)
  • Lindsay Lohan (Just not as drunk, I hope.)
  • Frida Kahlo (Though doesn't have the Doughty Uni... yet.)
  • Kurt Vonnegut
  • Laurence Fishburne (Cowboy Curtis represent!)
  • Farrah Fawcett (This bodes well for the hair he may eventually grow.)
  • Lenny Kravitz
  • Marilyn Monroe
  • Tim Roth
  • Nina Hagen
  • Ravi Shankar (So that's why I keep hearing sitar music in the morning!)
So, essentially, by the standards of conventional beauty, my son is quite the handsome mofo. And in the few cases where the person he resembles isn’t particularly attractive, the looks department is more than made up for in the areas of brains and/or talent (except maybe Charles Bronson). So if anyone asks, just remind them that the boy pretty much rocks.

Erin did this, too, but I won’t steal her thunder. You can check out her blog to see who she got. Although I feel it’s important to note that numbers 1 & 8 on her list are folks who are on my List (you know the sort of list I mean, right?). So, apparently my fantasy women tend to resemble the woman I’m actually married to, and I figure that has to win me some brownie points.

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