Things you wouldn't think you'd have to say at a library...
but I seem to have to an awful lot (and in the words of Dave Barry, I am not making this up):
"Could you please stop yelling into your cellphone."
"We only page patrons in the case of a legitimate emergency. Checking to see when your roommate wants to go to dinner isn't an emergency."
"Could you please not ride your scooter in here?"
"You're not supposed to be eating giant bowls of ice cream in here, much less directly over a computer keyboard, where it could do a whole lot of harm." (it's really difficult, by the way, to enforce a zero tolerance policy on food when someone has the genius to put a cafe and auditorium often used for dinner events in the same building.)
"No, you can't have pizza delivered here. This isn't Mr. Hand's class." (met with blank stare) "Never mind. Answer's still no."
"No, we're not trying to single you out, sir. 'Non-circulating' means we can't check it out to anybody."
"Yes, we do have books."
And last, but not least, I offer up this conversation:
Me: "Um, didn't I tell you not to ride your scooter in here?"
Other guy: "No, you told my friend not to. That was a different guy."
Me: (pause) "Well, you can't, either!"
Other guy: (long pause as look of disbelief creeps over his face) "Really?"
Other guy: "Oh, sorry."