The following is an actual phone conversation I had at work today:
Me: Hello, Library. May I help you?
Alumni Guy: Yeah, I think you may be able to. I’m trying to get on the alumni database on your website. I set everything up with the alumni office the other day in order to get access, but it isn’t working.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but we really don’t have anything to do with that. You’ll have to talk to someone in the alumni office about that.
AG: Yeah, I called them, but they’ve gone home for the day. But you can help me. I’m trying to get on the alumni database that’s on your website. You know, your website? I need help getting onto the database.
Me: Well, as I said, we really don’t have anything to do with that, sir.
AG: Have you ever been on your school’s website?
Me: Well, yeah.
AG: Then I know you can help me. I’m trying to access the alumni database, but it won’t let me.
Me: I really don’t know how to help you with that, sir. No one in this building would know anything about that. We don’t have anything to do with the alumni office pages.
AG: I know you can help me, though, because I know you’ve been on the school’s website.
Me: You’d really have to call the alumni office for help with this sir.
AG: They’ve gone home for the day, and I’m positive you can help me. I’m trying to get onto the alumni database. I set everything up, but now I can’t get in.
Me: Well, as I said, we don’t have anything to do with the alumni pages, just the library pages. The people in the alumni office would be the ones to ask about that. You can leave them a message on their voice mail.
AG: But they’ve gone home.
Me: Sir, I think they’re the only ones who can help you with this. People here don’t have anything to do with the alumni pages.
AG: But who can help me?
Me: I don’t know.
AG: THIRD BASE!
Okay, I made up the last couple of lines, but you get the point.
Here’s a fun little game for you: re-read the above and see if you can figure out the exact point at which I started giving the finger to the phone receiver.
Peri Brown said it best: “Circular logic will only make you dizzy, Doctor.” Gaaah!