It had to happen sooner or later.

I now embark upon the pop culture/comics blogging rite of passage called the DC Solicits for March 2005. Today, I am a man, or at least a pathetic shell thereof.

Batman 638 - Let's see: Batman unmasks the Red Hood and looks all "Wha Huh?!?" on the cover. Which, of course, can only mean that the new Red Hood is Aunt Harriet.

Batman Chronicles Vol. 1- Reprinting Detective 27-37 and Batman 1. Not anything I'm particularly interested in, but I hope it does well enough that they start doing other series like this (Superman, Captain Marvel, Silver Age Flash, etc.). And at $14.99, it's put up or shut up time for those people who say they'd buy Archives if only they were cheaper.

Superman 215 - Jeez, you stick Fabio's head in place of Superman's and you'd have the cover for every romance novel ever. I think Jim Lee's angling for a new career.

Lex Luthor: Man of Steel 1 - The title sounds like it would've made for a dandy Weisinger-era "imaginary story." I think I'll pretend that it is anyway, since that'd be more interesting.

Adam Strange 7 - It's gonna rule. You know it. I know it. It could be 22 pages of Adam Strange buys an ice cream cone, and Diggle and Ferry would still make an exciting, genuinely intriguing story out of it.

Blood of the Demon- Byrne plays with Kirby toys again. It'll just break our hearts. Best we accept that now and move on.

DC Countdown 1 - Even at a buck, I'm still hesitant to buy this. It'll just feel like I'm encouraging them somehow. In the end I'll probably cave, but I'll hate myself in the morning. Especially if they really do off Blue Beetle.

Green Arrow 48- Judd Winick is bringing back the Duke of Oil. I don't know if he should be applauded or beaten. Probably both.

Justice League Classified 5 - I'm glad DC actually decided to publish "I Can't Believe It's Not the Justice League" after all. This earns them some much needed brownie points in my book. Which I'm sure they'll fritter away by resurrecting Amethyst so she can be raped and murdered by the cast of Binky and His Buddies or something.

Plastic Man 15 - I think DC has just given up trying to market this book. I expect the solicit for the next issue to read "It's about stuff, kind of."

Seven Soldiers: Guardian 1 and Shining Knight 1- This whole Seven Soldiers thing sounds great, honestly, but I'm not a big fan of the 5,727,456,290,345,734 separate mini-series approach of it. Besides, it's Grant Morrison doing superheroes, so you know it'll get collected. I can wait.

Starman: Sons of the Father - Glad to see DC finally remembered to finish collecting this series, which is, of course, the best superhero comic book ever. Bear in mind, of course, that I am occasionally given to superlative.

Planetary Vol 3- Yay, this is finally out in paperback! I can catch up with the story, which I last read about, oh, 3 years ago (hardcovers are spendy and I work in a library. I am poor, so very poor).

Lucifer 60- You know, it's been so long since I've seen this book on a comic store shelf that I honestly didn't know it was still being published.

Flash Vs. Gorilla Grodd Statue - Okay, Flash looks oddly misshapen, but the way Grodd looks, all knocked on his ass with his tongue hanging out like he's a little kid playing dead, that's comedy. Not $200 comedy, but comedy all the same.

Black Mask Action Figure - You can make him a major player in the comics, make him torture and kill a Bat Family member, give him a creepy little action figure that comes with a miner's helmet, a hacksaw and a power drill, and it still won't matter. Nothing will ever... EVER... make me care about the character of Black Mask. Next stop, Yawnsville Junction. Population: Black Mask.

Space Ghost Coast to Coast Busts - They come in Space Ghost, Zorak and Brak flavors (sorry, Moltar). The very existence of these must make Alex Ross cry. Good.

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