Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My Very Patient Wife Reviews Watchmen

Like I said yesterday, I figured Erin's thoughts on Watchmen would make for more interesting reading than mine, so she was kind enough to write the following, which I have not edited in any way (so please be kind when she refers to Nite Owl as "Owlman"):

“So that’s why they call them graphic novels…”

I went into this movie with less than zero interest. I’ll put that out there right now. But I went… To support my husband, to spend some time with him, and yes, because he went to see Twilight with me!

The trailers before the movie were fairly atrocious. Terminator Redux – seriously?? I mean, it made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Where was my Harry Potter trailer? And yeah – Star Trek is okay, but it’s no Harry Potter.

So yeah – the movie starts… Okay – and fanboys – I’m not holding anything back, so if you haven’t seen the movie – SPOILER ALERT! You have received fair warning.

I appreciated that the opening scene was of Denny dying – hopefully for good this time. I hate Grey’s Anatomy and bringing Denny back is just another in a series of moves that totally jump the shark. Boo Grey’sAnatomy.

I thought that the fight scene between Denny and his “killer” was nicely staged. Just enough slow motion stuff to get some of the effect, but at the same time – just basically, a savage beating. And that was sort of where my attention picked up – what I liked MOST about the movie is also what I liked LEAST about the movie – just how friggin graphic the entire damned movie is. I appreciate that there were no punches pulled, no blood lightly lost, no intimate details left out. However, the fact that this movie only got an “R” rating is ridiculous. It should have been NC-17 AT LEAST. And I’m not one of those crazy conservative people – I
would be just fine with boobies in shampoo commercials, but the fight scenes were so painfully graphic, I think that you need to be AT LEAST 17 to watch this movie. If not 53.

So yeah – some of the other highlights and lowlights…

1. Owlman was an interesting character. Without the suit, he was fairly fugly. With the suit, a little something to look at. And I liked that he got together with the lil hoochie, though she had
zero redeeming characteristics. I just hope she was a good lay. He looked like he was enjoying himself. I’m just saying…

2. Nazi War Lord (aka the guy in the purple outfit) was nicely layered. I didn’t really pick up that he was the bad guy until close to the end, though I’m really not the kind of person to try
and figure the movie/tv show/book out before I’m supposed to. Call me slow, but I like letting the story be told.

3. Rorschach ROCKED the party that ROCKED the partay! He was by far my favorite character. He was nicely severed, mentally, probably physically. His backstory of how he truly became Rorschach was really the only part of the movie that I think went SERIOUSLY too
far. That little girl’s leg and the dogs… Jesus. Alan whateverhislastnameis is a total nutter and should be committed for just thinking of that.

4. The music in the movie was awesome. I described it to Bill as being like the Forrest Gump soundtrack for cool people. I totally disagreed with the Entertainment Weekly review of the soundtrack, which requested more young bands redoing the songs. DURRRRR – the
movie takes place in 1985, you morons. If we had Kid Rock singing “All Along The Watchtower” it would certainly DETRACT from the movie. D-bags.

5. The ending in the movie is certainly MUCH better than how Bill described the book. Again, Alan – nutter – should be committed. I did think that the Fortress of Solitude in Antarctica was a bit much though. And all of those millions of people died, right? There didn’t seem to be quite as much sympathy as I would have expected. But it is potentially a little prophetic for my liking…

So yes – that’s my review. I hope I made my husband proud or at least gleeful that I actually took the time to write about (GASP) a comic book thing.

BTW – you thought that I’d leave out the blue penis. It was sort of distracting, but not nearly the focus of my movie experience. There – ya happy?? Pervs… :)
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