Well, at least he'll be able to console himself with his hot wife and millions of dollars.

To all the sports writers and media personalities who’ve been complaining for the last few days that Boston fans’ treatment of Johnny Damon in his return to Fenway Park as a Yankee was unseemly:

Did you honestly think it would – or even could – work out any other way? Yes, Damon’s accomplishments in his four years as the Red Sox centerfielder were pretty impressive. Yes, the man played hard every day he took the field. Yes, he was the public face of the team for many people.

But how is that supposed to make everything okay? The way I see it, it only made everything worse. If your best friend of 20 years screws your wife behind your back, are you going to forgive him because he was there for you through thick and thin? No, you’re going want to kick his face in because he screwed your wife. Some actions are just unforgivable, no matter what the situation. And in baseball terms, voluntarily leaving Boston for Yankee Stadium – after publicly stating that you’d never do that and couldn’t be swayed by the old Steinbrenner checkbook, no less – is just such an offense.

If Benedict Arnold came back after the end of the American Revolution and was all “Look, okay, I tried to turn West Point over to the British, sure… but remember how awesome I was in the Saratoga Campaign? Come on, where’s the love for that?” Yeah, that’d end pretty badly. It’s an extreme example, sure, but a good-sized portion of Red Sox Nation views the two events in the exact same light. This is because New Englanders are a pretty excitable group of people. The winters are long and cold… emotional extremes are a good way to pass the time indoors and keep warm at the same time. The same effects could probably be achieved with anti-psychotic medications and blankets, but where’s the fun in that?

So a rousing chorus of boos and some fake money thrown on the field (which was, by the way, a brilliant idea - Fenway grandstand denizens are the cleverest drunks in all of baseball) is actually getting off pretty lightly, if you ask me. Remember, Boston sports fans have heckled golf before*… there are few depths to which we won’t sink.

Except outright rioting and murder… we leave that shit to Detroit.

*At the Ryder Cup a few years back.