The five stages of dealing with overdue library books in the days leading up to graduation.*

  1. Denial - I don't have any overdue books! I never took those out! And if I did, I totally returned them!
  2. Anger - The fine is how much?!? I refuse to pay that!** Like I said, I returned them! Or, uh, didn't even have them out at all! Yeah!
  3. Bargaining - Look, my roommate lost them. Can't you fine him? I need this cleared up so I can actually get my diploma. Can't you just waive this or something?
  4. Depression - Aw, man, my parents are gonna kill me when I tell them I won't get my diploma if they don't pay the bill for me!***
  5. Acceptance, Lack of - I don't have any overdue books! I never took those out! And if I did, I totally returned them!

* Or, really, in general. This also applies to video store late fees, too, for the most part.
** But here's the silly thing, though: yes, our so-called "replacement cost" fine is ridiculously expensive, but honestly, we're more interested in getting the book back than charging a fine. So if someone offers to pony up a replacement copy (when it's possible to do so, anyway), we're totally okay with that. And there's a Barnes & Noble not 5 miles up the road. So quit yer bitchin' and hop to it, Sparky!
*** Yes, someone actually said this once.

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