Thursday, February 02, 2006

It just kind of speaks for itself,

I received the following message from a complete stranger in my MySpace inbox Wednesday night. It may just be the best email I have ever received:

Hi Bill,

You seem like a nice guy but with a bachelor's degree you are surely a library assistant, not an assistant librarian. It may sound nitpicky to you but there is a big difference.

Peace & friendship,
A librarian

I laughed about this for a good long time, because, honestly, who does this? I showed this to my work study kids, and they laughed as hard as I did. I showed a co-worker, and he apologized on behalf of librarians everywhere, adding "Wow, no wonder no one wants to become a librarian anymore, if you have to meet people like that!" I called up Erin and read it to her over the phone and - well, actually, she got kinda mad, threatening to drive to this woman's house and beat her up. So, I'd look out if I were you, "A librarian," because even though I have no clue who the hell you are, I'm reasonably certain my wife could kick your ass.

And so, obviously, I had to respond. I mulled over a few different options.

"F--- you," was certainly simple, and to the point, but it lacked class.

My usual stand-by in this sort of situation, "I'm confident that you will die completely and utterly alone, secure in the knowledge that absolutely no one loved you," would've worked fine and dandy, I think, but I don't know, it just felt like a little too much here. Why play an ace when a 2 will do, you know? Also, that was a lot of words to type.

I ultimately decided on:
"Are you honestly that bored?"
It seemed the most appropriate. Because the way I see it, if you have the time to create a MySpace account (I looked, and the account seemed really new - very little personal info, and one lone friend - the ubiquitous Tom), search someone out, and engage in a semantics-based pissing contest with a complete stranger, then my friend, you have no life to speak of whatsoever.
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